Cleavage, for the win

Yesterday was weird.

For some reason, people were being especially friendly to me, and I couldn't figure out why. Not that people aren't generally cordial to me, it just seemed that they were being even more so than usual.

And then N's mom came to pick her up at work. Let me just take a second here to tell you that N's mom is totally awesome. She's very earthy and open-minded... the kind of person you'd want share your stories with, just because you know her take on them is going to be well thought-out and hilarious all at the same time. So anyway, we were chatting- about men and dating and the library- when she said this to me: "I keep focusing on your cleavage. There's just so much of it!"

Oops. See, the thing is (and I'm sure the one person who reads this is quite aware of this fact) I really DON'T have much in the way of cleavage. But yesterday, I was wearing a top that was (admittedly) a little low-cut, and if you were standing above me (which most of the people I talked to during the day were doing) it would have looked like I was trying my best to show off what little goods I have. Awesome.

Which brought me to the realization that all those extra smiles I was getting? Yeah, they all came from men. And one lesbian.

*Sigh* Another outfit to add to the list of things I really shouldn't wear to work.

A little tongue

Emilee and I had this conversation as I was doing the dishes yesterday morning:

Emilee: Mommy, our closet door is dirty. Do we have any Clorox?
Me: Clorox? Why does it have to be Clorox?
Em: Because. Clorox cleans stains and sticky, baked-on messes.
Me: (after a burst of laughter) Where did you hear THAT?
Em: On tv.

It's possibly they watch too much Nickelodeon.

Later that day, I brought home the Katy Perry CD so I could play "I kissed a girl" for the kids, because they love it:

Me: I have a surprise for you guys.
Emilee: What is it?
Me: Hold on a second... I'll show you.
Emilee: Gavin, what do you hope it is?
Gavin: Cow tongue.
Me: WHAT?? Cow TONGUE?
Gav: Yeah, cow tongue. I love it.

Huh.

Bats away

So. After calling my best friend, and making him come over and take care of the bat problem for me, I had an entire bat-free night's sleep.

Phew.

Want to know what's driving me insane right now? The fact that it's been raining for, like, the whole entire summer. I'm not kidding. The whole fricking thing. Summer is usually my time to cheer up... to bring myself out of the funk that winter seems to cause every year. This summer, though? Not exactly happening.

So here's the thing, Summer. How 'bout you show your big, bright, sun-shiny self really, really soon (like, next week while I'm on vacation would be AWESOME) because otherwise, I might just have to take you DOWN.

Rawr.

Going batty

So I'm pretty sure this is a serious case of karma, kicking me in the ass:

When I was in high school, my best friend's brother (who was also a good friend of mine at the time, but who I made the mistake of dating as an adult, and as a result, we are no longer friends... but that's a story for another time. Anyway) woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of a bat, thumping against his bedroom walls. At first, he thought it was a bird, but when he realized what it actually was, he yelled so loud it woke up everyone in the house. When his sister relayed the story to me the next day, I thought it was hilarious, and called him Batman for several months afterward.

Well guess what, people? I am here to tell you right now that having a bat fly around your bedroom in the middle of the night is not that hilarious after all. In fact, it's actually downright terrifying. Mine appeared last night around midnight, and I was only alerted to the fact when I realized that my cat was going BONKERS. Turns out, she was chasing a big ol' bat all around my room. I raced out of there as fast as I could, and hid out in the bathroom for about 5 minutes. Then, thinking maybe it would find its way outside, I went downstairs and opened the front door (and went back to hide in the bathroom again for awhile).

I didn't hear anything after that, so assuming I had solved the problem, I went back to bed about 15 minutes later... only to be awakened by little squaking noises at 1:30. And even though the bat was nowhere in sight, I spent the rest of the night on the living room couch.

I'm pretty sure that bat is still somewhere in my apartment. And I'm scared out of my mind. Brian said he'll come over after I get out of work and help me get rid of the flying creepy thing and once again I'm thanking my lucky stars that I have a best friend who's always there when I need help.

But oh my gosh... a bat. And to David T... if you ever happen to read this... I apologize profusely for ever picking on you for your late night bat experience. I was so, so wrong.

Something smells fishy around here...

Ok, guys. It's time. I've been holding off long enough, but I've finally decided that it's about time for me to learn how to cook. As in, real food... not frozen stuff from boxes every single night. Because, in addition to being completely unhealthy, I look like the world's worst mother in the check-out line at the grocery store.

So I started with fish. Not that frozen Morton's stuff in the yellow box. Ohhhh no. I walked myself right up to the fish counter at Market Basket and ordered real live (ok, not live, live, because ew) FRESH haddock. That's right. It had never been frozen in its entire life. And I cooked it. And it was awesome. Not only did I cook it, but I also made broccoli (and celery sticks... that's TWO green vegetables) to go with it! Even my picky eater (that would be Gavin) gave it two thumbs up... and the best part? It wasn't even that hard to make!

I think I'll give chicken stir-fry a try next. =)

P.S. If any of you are interested (and you totally are, I just know it), the Muppets are going to be on the Disney channel tonight at 8. I know what I'LL be watching tonight. ;o)

Ow

Reason number 246 why I really shouldn't drink:

Yesterday morning, I went to cross my legs at my desk, and found that it hurt. Which sucks, because I'm always sitting with my legs crossed like a little lady. Upon further investigation, I discovered that I had bruises on the backs of BOTH of my legs.

So I sat there for an hour, trying to figure out how the heck that could have happened. And then, I remembered.

On Wednesday night, while sitting around the campfire, drinking wine and chatting with Melissa and Brett (and Brett's entire family), somehow I managed to tip over the little bench I was sitting on, landing with my butt in the sand, but with my legs still hanging over the bench.

And that my friends, is what we call grace.

And possibly a little too much alcohol.

Summer doldrums

So I've decided to try this posting-every-day-for-a-month thing once again, to see how it goes. However, I'm NOT signing up for NaBloPoMo because when I do, I feel all guilty when I can't manage to post daily. So there.

Anyway, can I just say that usually in the summer I am the happiest girl you could ever hope to meet? Bad stuff happens, and it just rolls right off me, because hey, it's summer. The sun's out, I have a tan, and I'm constantly out doing stuff. This summer, though? Not so much. I mean, I have my good days, and even some great ones. But on the whole, things just aren't going that swimmingly (ha. Did you catch my pun? Summer... swimmingly...).

So now I'm trying to figure out how to fix it. Because summer will be over in a month (I do live in New England, after all, and summer here is entirely too fleeting). I simply refuse to spend what little bit of summer is left being down in the dumps. And that means actively changing things for the better. I'm just not exactly sure how to go about doing that...

I keep this other blog at Myspace (because I'm, like, totally a 16 year old girl, obviously) but I tend to keep that one upbeat because, seriously, who wants to read the thoughts of a morose person? Not me, that's for sure. So I'm sorry that this is the more depressing of the two blogs, but I've got to type this stuff SOMEWHERE.

Or I could just write it down, so NO ONE has to read it, but what's the fun in that? =P